Nov 20

Written Down

A few years ago Dan and I were driving to the beach for Thanksgiving with my family, and we were talking about how so many things in our lives, in the midst of whatever situation we were in, seemed hopeless, but looking back how everything seemed to just work out. We went through story after story of how we could see the Lord’s hand in our lives, and how His plan would prevail. For example, Dan was adamant that he was supposed to go to vet school, and he was pretty positive what school he was going to get in at. So he applied for early acceptance, and he did not get in. He applied the next year, and he did not get in to the school that he wanted which made no sense, because we knew it was where he was supposed to go, and his second choice sent a letter stating that he had to go through a program for 6 weeks to fight for a spot in the class. All this to say, Dan is exactly where he is supposed to be. It was not the path that we would have chosen or what we would have expected, but it has been made very clear that the Lord has him there for a reason. Now when people ask if Dan likes his school, he always says, “They are the ones who believed in me.”

Okay sorry, back to the point, after that car ride, Dan decided to make a list on his phone of all the unmistakable things that have happened/continue to happen in our lives that prove how real God is, and that He is indeed working. It has been a source of strength in times of doubt and frustration. When we have assurance of a decision, he writes it down, so when we begin to doubt it, we know that the written word is true.

Right after Mary Anna passed away, I decided to start a list of all the things that happen whether it is a memory, verse, statement, or whatever it was that gave me strength or helped me remember the little time that we had with our girl. When I need encouragement to write or I want to hold onto something because I miss her so bad, I open up that list on my phone. This morning I was feeling a little down, and I was about to close shop on this blog, because I feel like a horrible writer, and I remembered the truth that I had written down. My friend has her masters in English, and she loves reading and writing. She told me to keep writing one day, and she recited this verse:

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God. 
John 1:1
After she said this verse, she said it again, “keep writing.” We began to talk about how without the written word of the stories of Jesus that we would not have the Bible. God’s people wrote down the accounts of what He has done, and that is where we have the truth. She reminded me that God is still working, and that I am called to write down the accounts of what He is doing through our Mary Anna. So this is why I write. I listened to her, of course, partly because she can be a little scary when she is on a roll just kidding!, but mostly because she is right. Sometimes writing down our story is hard and messy, but it is the Word of God. It is a written word of how He continues to work.
Even though publicly writing like I have chosen to do is not for everyone, I encourage you to write down all the times that the Lord has worked. Let it be a reminder of what is true, and let it encourage you when you feel like He is not there. I get it. Sometimes, like today, I lay and try to pray and just say, “are you sure you are here?, do you hear me?”, and I assure you that He is.
I know that my redeemer lives, and that in the end he will stand on earth.
 And after my skin has been destroyed, yet in my flesh I will see God; 
I myself will see him with my own eyes- I, and not another.
How my heart yearns within me!
Job 19:25-27

  • Danielle

    Kari, I appreciate your blog and your heart. I appreciate that you are real and I read your blog regularly. I’m sorry that you had to go through this. I’m praying for you. We love and miss you guys!