So we like to have impromptu dance parties around here. William (3.5 years) currently does this move that looks almost like a football drill or something, and Mary Kathryn (19 months) marches her chubby legs up and down so fast and likes to put her hand on her knees and do this little squat thing. It’s all just too cute.
It’s still just unbearably cold here, and we have been inside a lot, so after dinner I had some music playing, and I was trying to get the pre-bed jitters out, so we started a dance party. William asked for the “oh my my, oh hey hey song”, which is a fun song that we like called Big Parade by the Lumineers. He said: Momma, turn it up real loud!” So I did.
The three of us began to dance. We held hands and danced in a circle, and I taught them how to twirl. Mary Kathryn in her cute little non-talking voice would say WOW WOW WOW!, and William couldn’t get enough of it, and from time to time he’d sing the right words on the song.
We all got dizzy and ended up all falling on the groud, and I hugged them both tight, and I took a mental recording of those moments. I almost grabbed my phone to document it, but something about holding their hands and spinning around, I just knew that I would never forget it. As I was squeezing them, and the music was still pretty loud, William said: I just love y’all. He said it completely on his own.
As we continued to dance and twirl for a bit longer and then slowly start playing the airplane game where you lay on the ground and hold them up with your feet, I began to look into both of their eyes and it just hit me. I love them both so much that it hurts, but the true revelation was this:
William taught me that I could love again.
Mary Kathryn taught me that I could be happy again.
After loss, I wasn’t sure that I could truly ever love again without fear, but on July 25, 2014 when William Daniel was born, I knew that it wasn’t true. I loved again deep and real and hard, but the years following were still tough. Then on June 3, 2016, when I looked into those blue eyes, Mary Kathryn unlocked some joy in my heart that I hadn’t felt in a long time.
So I’ll tuck tonight away as one of the sweetest nights, and we’ll have more dance parties, and those two little blonde-hair, blue-eyed babies will never fully grasp how they help me get stronger every day.
They’re truly my loves and my joy.