As the meals, calls, and tears calm down and life gets back to normal, my heart seems to feel just as broken. I thought time would instantly heal, and gosh it just doesn’t seem to. Everything I do reminds me of my girl, and it reminds me that she’s not here. The hospital bills and the insurance phone calls hurt so bad. Seeing the kids in their precious outfits on Sunday mornings, and the talk of teething, growing, and school days remind me that Mary Anna will never do those things. Waking up some days and going to work tell me that it’s another day that I don’t get to be at home with her. My coffee tastes a little bitter everyday, because I don’t have her on my hip while I’m drinking it. The puppies remind me that my girl isn’t pulling their tail and driving them crazy. Each room in our house has something in it that she should be using, and all her things are just collecting dust. She’s everywhere. In everything I do. It’s just all wrong.
I miss her.
What’s the plan in all of this?
I know God is sovereign, and I know he ordains my every step, but right now I just can’t bear the thought of walking without her. He is good. He chose us to carry Mary Anna, because he knew that no one could love her like we do, and you know what, He was so right.
For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand, and says to you,
Do not fear; I will help you.
Please help us Lord. We need you now.