Oct 16

Scattered Thoughts

As I had a melt down on the phone the other day with a friend who just gets me, she told me a story. Her pastor told of a young child that passed away at age 5, and in the room they had a picture of the moon that said, “The moon is round.” One of the parents told the pastor the reason they had that was because the needed to know what was constant and true. Even though you look at the moon and sometimes you only see pieces of it, it is always round.

A month or so ago I was at a foster home in the area that I have had the privilege of helping some with, and the intern begin to ask me lots of questions about my work and such. It led to me telling her my story and why I am not working full time right now. She began to cry, asked to pray with me, and told me that her friends baby just passed away. Her encouragement still warms my heart, and she told me that God was loving us a little bit more right now, and that we needed to be careful when we spoke, because people will be listening closely.

One of my dearest friends was going on a mission trip this past summer, and we were worried that she was not going to be there when MAC was born. Her trip got canceled due to the lack of safety in the country where she was going for Americans. She was so disappointed, and when we lost our girl, a few hours after it happened, I heard she was on a plane heading to Alabama.  The next morning I woke up, and she jumped in the bed with me and just began to weep. She said, “Kari, now I know why my trip got canceled”, and although I know she felt called to go on the mission trip, she booked a one- way flight to be with me and said that she would stay as long as I needed her.

The reason my blog got an update is because a family friend who I have not seen in years, sent me a gift certificate to do this. She saw my ramble about how my blog was ugly, and she had been wanting to do something nice for me, and it jumped off the page to her, so she sent it to me. I got an email from her telling me that it was something she could do for me that would make me happy.

The pediatrician that caught Mary Anna the day she was born was really special to us. Dan said he saw the seriousness in his eyes while he was holding our girl, and he kept thanking the good Doctor every time we would see him in the hospital. Finally he said, “Please just call me Brian.” The day we were checking out a bereavement nurse came in to talk about arrangements, and D asked if Brian was there that morning. She ran and got him and they both walked into our room. We talked a little, and he said, “I see a lot of patients and very few of them will I remember, but I will never forget Mary Anna.” The young nurse looked and us and asked if she could pray for us, so we all held hands and prayed for strength.

I have gotten countless emails of encouragement since I started this blog. The thing is that a lot of what I write helps me remember and process my thoughts. I do no edit or ponder blogs for days. I just sit down and start typing. For example this post, I have all these little thoughts that I just don’t ever want to forget so enter: Wednesday rambling. The Lord should be praised, not us.

Some friends in Auburn texted us and asked us for our house key while we were still in the hospital. When we got home for the first time, our whole house was cleaned, there were fresh flowers all around (I will never forget the little pink roses on my night stand), and they filled our kitchen with food. The husband sings, and we asked him to sing at Mary Anna’s service, and he spent hours figuring out how to put her sweet footprint on all the slides because he knew that would be special for Dan.

One friend came to see me every single day except for one that I was in the hospital. Each person that came meant the world to us, but she just kept showing up and you know what, I would not have ever of asked her to come that much, but I will never forget that. It made me feel so loved.

I had a good number of friends who were pregnant, and they were worried about how to act around me. One of them came to me the Monday after Mary Anna passed away, and she began to cry. She told me that I love her little boy like my own son, and that she is so sorry the timing of her second pregnancy, but she wanted me to know that she will always love Mary Anna like her own. We cried together, and from that moment on it has never been hard for me to rejoice with her.

My big sister drove 2 hours while she was 8 months pregnant just to be with me moments after Mary Anna went to heaven. I heard her weeping so loudly in the hallway, because she didn’t get to meet her. Her twin girls are my goddaughters, and she left them at a friends house with no plan or no place to stay, all she cared about was being there for me.

Literally the list goes on and on and on…. The friends who came for the day just to spend time with me, the one who asked to see every single picture that I had of my girl and cried as she saw them, or the one who literally every time I start crying to her she cries with me…. Each letter, donation, person who gives blood in honor of Mary Anna, prayer, meal, text, flower, etc….

we have been so surrounded by love it is unreal.
we could not keep walking without each one of you.
we feel the prayers everyday, and we could not wake up each morning without them.
we know that God is good and He provides.

the moon is round……



  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/14976016129349817690 Laura Elmer

    I love this story. I need to remember the moon is round too :) Love you friend.

  • http://www.blogger.com/profile/03764995895610721166 ERH

    Yes. The moon is round and there is a Love that will not let you go so you can rest your weary soul in Him. Continuing to pray for you as you miss your Mary Anna. Love, Elizabeth