Oct 01

Reflection

After our get away this weekend to the beach, I have spent a lot of time thinking. It was our first time back at the beach, and it was hard to stand at the ocean and think about what we were doing the last time that we were there. There was definitely such confirmation in knowing that our decisions that we made for her little body here on earth were the right ones to make. Someone said to me that the beach was the perfect place to give her back to the Lord, and I could not agree more. The serenity and the peace standing at the ocean and looking as far as you can see and seeing nothing but the horizon, was exactly why our earthly closure came at that very place. There’s just something that you cannot deny standing there. You have to admit that there’s a God. That there is something bigger than yourself ordaining it all. All praise to Him alone.

As I was thinking off and on today, I had a moment where I just could not think straight. I was standing at a coffee shop trying to decide what to order which should not be hard because I order the same thing every time, and I realized that my mind went to Mary Anna because of the song that was playing. Listen if you so desire…

My mind starting going into, the way a blogger described it, “scrambled eggs.” I get her thoughts. Sometimes my mind that used to work so well just does not seem to work the way that it used to. When Ben Rector says, “This isn’t easy, it isn’t clear, and you don’t need Jesus until you’re here… when a heart breaks.” It hit me that so many times in my life that I have felt like I didn’t need Jesus, and Ben is so right, dang even though I needed Jesus all along, I need Jesus right now. In my heart break. I could not do this without Him. My heart breaks.
You may never know that Jesus is all you need, until Jesus is all you have.
Corrie Ten Boom

The real truth is that in the heart breaks or the blessings that we need Jesus. I am learning that the hard way in the midst of my loss. As the world continues to spin and our world seems to remain still, I learn to find joy where I can. I learn to relish in what the Lord gives and takes away, and I’m reminded what’s important. After our little moment on the beach yesterday morning, we began to walk away hand in hand smiling and thankful for each other and our girl. How? I don’t know except Jesus. He’s the answer y’all.
Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices.
You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.
A woman giving birth to a child has pain because her time has come; but when her baby is born she forgets the anguish because of her joy that a child is born into the world.
So with you; Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice,
AND NO ONE WILL TAKE AWAY YOUR JOY.
John 16:20-22

Keep walking.