I had the opportunity to attend a local women’s event this past Monday night, and the speaker was a lady that I honestly do not know, but I admire her very much. Dan and I have attended a few of her Bible studies in our early married years, and I have always thought of her as wise and wondered if I could ever know the scriptures like she does! Her talk cut straight to my core and of course, no shock here, but I could not help but tear up a few times.
She told a story about a tragic event in her life that caused her focus to change from earthly desires to heavenly desires, and this is where her journey to know the Lord more deeply began. I relate so much, because I know that my choices where when Mary Anna went to heaven was to be bitter and hate the heart of God for choosing her to come home early, or to cling to heaven and its promises and to learn about the heart of my King. After some bouts of bitterness and still fighting some each day, I choose to cling to heaven.
As her charge went on, she talked about how as women we think a husband will fulfill us, then children, a perfect home, and for some even career, and the deeper we get into each one of these desires we realize how unfulfilling each one of them truly are. Not to say that your husband or children can’t bring immense joy, but they will never satisfy the longing that the Lord has put in each of our hearts for heaven and for Him.
But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Savior from there, the Lord Jesus Christ.
Right now, I am at a place in my life where I have some dear friends who are single who long to be married, married friends who are separated from their husbands, married friends with children, and married friends that long to have children, and lots of other scenarios in the middle. I realized as I heard the charge Monday night, how incredibly toxic that we can be to our families/friends when we expect them to satisfy and fulfill our every needs.
Marriage is not the answer.
Children are not the answer.
Money is not the answer.
I know how much I idolized marriage, and even though I personally struck a home run with my precious husband, I know that he can not satisfy my every longing. And then I began to idolize having babies. All I ever wanted to be was a stay at home mom and for goodness sake I even graduated from a college at Auburn that most call “the college of housewives.” I never wanted a fancy career or paycheck, all that I wanted was yoga pants, babies, and a mom mobile.
I knew when I got pregnant fast that it was a gift and that the Lord obviously agreed with my desires and was saying, “You are right Kari, your plans are best, and you can be a mom now.” Then we lost that baby, and again I thought, “ok, ok, ok, I needed to be a little humble, but this time it will satisfy me”, and we lost that baby too. Finally Mary Anna was going the distance, and sadly you know how that story goes too. The Lord knew that His plans were best, not mine.
My treasures were on earth, not in heaven.
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.
Now there is nothing wrong with desiring marriage, children, or even a career, but the problem is when you expect these things to fulfill you, because I can assure you, they won’t.
I know that part of our journey with Mary Anna is teaching us to turn our eyes upon Jesus, and thinking of that old hymn, I want to look full into his face, because the things of earth will grow strangely dim. We miss her everyday, and Dan and I both long for heaven like never before. We have a hope that no one can take away not even death.
Thanks be to God.
So as we slowly learn to rest in the things of heaven, we know that one day He WILL bring us home to heaven to be with Jesus and with our baby girl.
Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.
2 Corinthians 5:2-3,5