Aug 14

One Month

Dear Mary Anna,

You would be one month old today. I wake up today feeling so empty because you are not here, but feeling so full because I got the best 4 days of my life with you. You should be home by now and up at all hours of the night. I should be finally getting used to my new schedule as your mom, and I should be writing this letter in present tense and not past tense. I can’t help but see you in everything that I do. You have changed so many lives my baby girl. I am SO proud of you. I hear stories of what you are doing every day, and it makes me feel so lucky to be your mommy. I am so sad it hurts. My body hurts, because I miss you so much. I will never forget you, and I will never stop loving you. You changed me, and I will never be the same because you were my girl. It hurts too bad to write this because I want to be busy with you not trying to make myself busy without you. I hug the little bear they gave me the day you went to heaven all day long, and it makes me feel a little better, but it makes my arms ache to hold you. I miss you more everyday. This has been the hardest month that I have ever lived, but I would do it all over again to have you. You were worth it Mary Anna, and you always will be. Thank you for letting me be your mommy.
As I say to you everyday, “you’re doing it baby girl, you’re changing lives”.

your mommy