As my head and my tears fell on my pillow last night, I told D all of those things. Missing her so deeply every moment makes me more and more grateful for him.
So today, like everyday, with a heavy heart trying to make it through another day, I know that without a doubt, the Lord gave me a man to walk this journey with that would uphold me, be my strength, guard our home, and love our babies so well. I could not be more thankful for him and for the life of my baby girl.
How do you stay so close after losing her, so many will ask. Honestly, it is really easy. Loving Dan is easy. I never understood why in marriage books they tell you to wake up and choose to love your spouse, because it is the easiest thing that I do everyday.
Marrying Dan almost five years ago taught me how to love in a whole new way, and that love is how I can Keep Walking without my precious Mary Anna. Not without pain or heartache, but we do it. We do it together.
To my D,
You are my love. You are my life. You inspire me to be a better person, and you give me more strength than you will ever know. I do not know how you have been so strong for me through this journey, but somehow, you do it. I am so thankful to have met you so young and watch you mold into the man that you are today, and it makes me even more excited to walk beside you in life and to continue to watch you grow. The way that you love our babies is breathtaking, and it makes me love you in a whole new way. Today, I miss Mary Anna so much, and I know you do too. I wish she was crawling all over our floor and interrupting me writing you this, but she isn’t, and somehow all of this makes me even more grateful for you. Thank you for staying up late the night before a test to cry with me, letting me interrupt long study sessions to weep on your shoulder, allowing me to be a mess everyday, giving me grace, and for rubbing my swollen feet. You are the man of my dreams, and the Lord did a really good thing the day that he made us for each other. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
I love you so deeply it hurts,