Eating my chocolate granola, by the way, it’s Saturday, so it is fine to eat chocolate for breakfast, and chatting with a friend this morning brought up the sweet delicate dance of the pleasure of being a mom of two babies. Lately I have felt a little “emotional”, please try not to laugh, because I am sure that I look emotional everyday to my sweet followers, but I think it’s been the part of my heart that is expanding to becoming a mom of two. As I think about this, I know that I am such a rookie in this department, so some of you wonder moms out there don’t worry, I know that I truly have so very much to learn.
I think about growing up with an older brother, and there were times that he or I would get a little bit more attention for various reasons. My parents would always tell us that each child needs a different style of parenting, love, and discipline, and that we should never get jealous or think that we had the easy way out, because they refused to pretend that my brother and I were the same person. We were different and had different needs, and we still are/do! As I embark on the heart-pulling journey of being a parent, I realize how truly wise my parents are.
My dad always ends each prayer with, “and give us wisdom, amen.” I asked him one day why he did that, and he told me that if we should ask for anything everyday it should be wisdom.
I have been praying specifically for wisdom so much lately.
Back to my roller coaster of emotions. If you have not noticed, I tend to write like I think, which is basically all over the place. Welcome to my life.
The problem is that I have not been able to let myself be in two places at once with my sweet babies. I have wanted to feel guilty for missing my girl, because it takes the joy away from my growing baby, and then I feel guilty for being excited about him, because it takes away from the reality that Mary Anna is not here. My mind has been spinning, and I did not know what was wrong with me. I felt like a bad mom, and I told Dan recently that maybe I was just a bad mom. Since wisdom has been the theme of my prayers, the Lord has indeed given me just that.
I was talking with someone this week and telling them all of this and her response was, “You are now realizing what it is like to be the mom of more than one child, and it is not going to get any easier.” It’s like the saying that you hear all the time that being a mom is the best job in the world, yet it is hardest.
Unfortunately, I realize that my prayers of wisdom are just beginning, and I know that it will be a life long journey of learning how to balance being a mom, but I welcome the challenge. It is the hardest job, but I have learned the greatest joy in loving my babies and the deepest sorrow in letting one go back to the Lord. I wish that my realm of emotions was not so extreme, but I thank the Lord for the way that he chose to give us our children.
I embrace this Saturday morning with coffee, chocolate, our sweet Marley’s 8th birthday, and the realization that having the wisdom to know that be a parent is a daily struggle.
|the day we got Marley… she has been with us through dating, marriage, college graduations, vet school, and now babies! we love our yellow dog!|