Not long after Dan and I got engaged at the mature age of 21, a family friend who is basically a second mom to me sat me down and told me to really think about being a wife to a doctor. Her husband is a doctor, and they married before he went to medical school, and she warned me about how hard it was to be the supportive role during that phase of life. I am not sure if she even remembers telling me this but she said, “Kari, if you do not think you can fully support Dan in vet school then don’t marry him, because it is not easy, and you are going to be alone A LOT, and it is not just a sacrifice for him, but it is a sacrifice for you too.”
Her and her husband are happily married, and she by no means was telling me not to marry D, but more warning me at what Satan would want to do to our marriage during this vulnerable time in our lives. Little did we know that during our first 6 years of marriage that vet school would not come as easy as we planned, we would lose 3 babies, and a lot of other trials would enter into our lives that would test us over and over again.
I came to you in weakness with great fear and trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirits power, so that your faith might not rest on human wisdom, but on God’s power.
1 Corinthians 2:4-5
Dan has made sacrifice after sacrifice to accomplish, as he likes to call them, OUR goals. He is quick to always say that WE are graduating vet school, and WE did this together. In all reality, he worked his tail off and I filed some insurance, made cookies and lots of turkey sandwiches. But the real truth is that us wives do not get enough credit for our role in this whole process.
Now this does not diminish again what our husbands are doing by any means, but I think as women we take a supportive role so much, and our hearts are not nurtured like they should be. Ladies, it was just plain hard to sit alone night after night, while he was in the other room reading and re-reading about how to remove a kidney. And it was not easy to go to things alone during the late nights in the hospital. It got even harder when a baby came into the picture, and I did not just get to hand him off when daddy walked in the door, because daddy needed to study for his boards. We sacrifice just as much for our men.
I am beyond grateful for that conversation with a wise mom and wife long before we even began this journey, because I can honestly say that I have never resented Dan for what he is doing/chose to do. There’s not a day that goes by that I regret this journey of vet school. It’s almost time for graduation and the next chapter, and I am so proud of him, but honestly I am proud of myself. I am thankful that the Lord protected our marriage and used this time to draw us closer to Him and each other.
Each night as I would crawl into bed, a lot of times alone, because he was up studying, I would pray over our home and pray for the protection of our marriage. We did not get many dates or weekend getaways, and we sure as heck had no money, but we did it. We did it together, and most importantly we did it with the Lord. So as you and your spouse begin whatever journey is next for you remember that it can be long and hard, and you might spend a lot of time alone, but it is no small task to be the supportive role as a wife. The woman is the heart of the home, and the heart needs to know how the home would not function without it.
Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fail, because it has its foundation on the rock.
As our world turns more and more to women’s rights, I pray that women turn more and more to loving and trusting our husbands. They need us! As a dear friend that we like to call honey says, “Our men are slaying dragons.” She is right. Our husbands come home each day to us, and yes we are worn out, but they continue to go to battle for us.
95 days until WE graduate vet school. Let’s do this, D! Let’s do this together. And I would do it all over again with you any day.