When my grandfather passed away my senior year in high school, the day of his funeral, we realized that he had just enough handkerchiefs for everyone in our family to have one. Even dan. We were dating at the time. It was special to us, because PawPaw always had a handkerchief on him, so it in some way it made us feel close to him to use his little square of fabric to wipe our tears.
I found the old white handkerchief in my drawer, and I kept it through Mary Anna’s whole service. Somehow again it made me feel close to my PawPaw and my baby girl. I knew that as soon as Mary Anna got to heaven that my grandfather swept her up and would not let her go. He was always keen on little girls, which is why he and I had a very special relationship.
Ever since Mary Anna’s service at our church, that little tattered white cloth has stayed in my purse, because tears have seemed to erupt more often lately. Almost every Sunday I get it out, hold it through church, and wash it Sunday afternoon, so it is ready to go back into my purse for the rest of the week.
This past Sunday felt different though, as I went through the same motion of getting it out that I always do, I realized that again, something else in our lives were changing. Something big and something hard. Our church is closing, and being received by another local church. It is God’s Will, and we are in full support of our leadership, while they have had some very hard decisions to make.
As I prepared my heart for this last service at Plains, the place where we first joined as a married couple, met dear friends, Dan got into vet school, we had two miscarriages, and we walked through the life and death of Mary Anna, I was a little confused at why we had to have yet another huge change happening in our lives. My heart was hurting, and I kept saying, “I am so sick of everything being so hard.”
|in memory of Fred Lee Bass, my PawPaw
I can’t wait to reunite with you and my Mary Anna when the Lord finally makes all things new.