Dan and I recently had the opportunity to get away for a few days. We went to New York City! It was fun, exciting, busy, and exhausting all at the same time. We left William with my parents, and he seemed to do just fine being spoiled by them for a few days.
Leaving is hard for me. I struggle with anxiety when I am away from William due to the past, but it was time for D and I to have some quality time, and just focus on each other. Focus on our marriage.
Recently I was talking with a younger friend who is single, and she was asking me about my marriage. She was telling me about a lot of her friends who recently married and were already unhappy. She began to ask me why Dan and I seemed different, and how to ensure a marriage that’s filled with happiness. I thought and answered this way…
I told her to choose to do life with her spouse. To focus on all the ways that you could be together and not apart. Of course, Christ being at the center is the ultimate key, but I do think many married couples live very separate lives.
This is even more evident when kiddos come along, so this is way a weekend getaway is so good. And reviving.
I see many people who I love that do not seem happy in the marriages, and it breaks my heart. I, by no means, have a perfect marriage, but I do think a lot of tragedy has caused Dan and I to make a choice time and time again to do things TOGETHER.
When we lost Mary Anna, one of the first things that someone told us was to keep a careful watch on our marriage, because Satan would be using our sadness as a tool to tear us apart.
It didn’t work.
At our rehearsal dinner, my dad was giving a toast to Dan, and he told him to “Beware, because when Satan attacks, and he will, he won’t swing open the front door, but he will come quietly in the back door. So watch your back door.”
That’s exactly what we focus on, and that is watching our back door. Making sure that we stick together. That we enjoy things together.
Ya know, sometimes science is just pain DULL to me, but I find ways to be interested because that’s what Dan loves. And D actually enjoys going to Anthropologie with me, because he learned they have cool books, so he sits in the leather chairs and lets me shop until my heart is content.
Divorce, unhappiness, and discontent are on the rise in marriages.
Choose to do life together. It’s worth it.
We do tend to put people in the place of God and ask them to do for us what only he can do.
We ask our loved ones to give us identity. We ask them to heal our hurts. We ask them to cause us to be happy. But they cannot give us those things.
In our relationships, we often try to drink from a dry well, and then we wonder why we come up thirsty.
Don’t put the burden of life on the person next to you. It will only crush that person and disappoint you. Besides, you don’t need him or her to give you life, because you’ve already been given life in the person and work of Jesus.
-Paul David Tripp in New Morning Mercies
And yet… even if you choose to do life together. You have to also choose to trust Jesus. Once we take the pressure off of our spouse to fulfill us, and we realize that only Jesus Christ can do that, then we are free to truly live life together. And happy.