Aug 21

Empty

I just opened my email, and in my inbox was a devotional titled, “Running on Empty”. I thought to myself, “that is exactly how I feel”. The best way to describe my emotions is empty. You see, everything I do, I imagine how different things would be if Mary Anna was still here. So basically everything I do, I feel empty on the inside. Sometimes my brain looks a little like this:

i think i’ll do some laundry now….
walk to the laundry room…
i don’t feel like that…
so maybe i will wash some dishes..
start washing dishes…
i want to be washing bottles and breast pump parts not this stupid bowl…
o.k. get it together Kari…
i think i will write a thank you note…
ugh how do i say thank you for a car seat when my baby passed away…
i could write a blog…
why am i even blogging…
i need to make my blog pretty but i do not know how….
maybe i will call a friend…
maybe i am crazy…
i think i am crazy…
surely this is unreal…
nope. this. is. very. real.

I lift up my eyes to the mountains- where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven and earth.
Psalm 121: 1-2