His mercies are new every morning.
After a hard evening last night
, I woke up feeling a little foggy. When I’m really sad at night, I usually wake up really tired and with a headache. It’s like for a second I feel like a normal person, and then my head kicks in and I feel pretty crappy. This morning I was hungry for the word. I stumbled into Mary Anna’s room with my Bible in hand wanting to know His truth, mercy, and grace so bad. I flipped through Psalms a little, and then opened this new devotional book that someone sent me last week.
The lady writing the book had a loss, and something jumped off the page in the introduction. She was talking about how she asked her sister-in-law the day of her child’s funeral, “How do I do this?”, and she responded, “Manna”. It hit me hard.
I want my friends to get my pain.
I want to feel love from the people I love everyday.
I want them to make me feel better.
I want Dan to cry every time I cry.
I want someone to make it all go away.
The problem is not walking through pain with the people you love, it is expecting them to fulfill something that only the Lord can. Last night during our cry after small group, Melissa said to me, “Kari, you are trying to do too much… stop being so strong.” I tend to fix things instead of humbling myself before the King and letting him fix me.
You are good, and what you do is good;
teach me your decrees.
I can identify with the Israelites as they wandered through the desert. There’s nothing that I need right now but His manna to get me through each day. Just like we sang yesterday in How Deep the Father’s Love for Us:
How great the pain of searing loss…
bring many sons to glory
The pain in loss is great, and yes, it is searing, but it brings me closer to glory. All praise be to the King of Kings who holds my tears and knows my pain. I will Keep Walking.
To Read the devotionals along with me, click here to find “The One Year Book of Hope Devotional” by Nancy Guthrie.