Dec 12

December 12

As I wake up today and slowly drink my coffee out of my snowman mug, I can not help but have a somber heart. This year December 12th has hit me like a load of bricks. My sweet, supportive friend is hurting today, so I am hurting too. She lost her brother too long ago, and today would have been a day to celebrate another birthday, another year, another memory, but instead it is a day to wonder why life seems to be so hard. I remember not long after I got to know her that she told me about her brother and the accident where she and her parents lost him, but even though my heart ached for it, it did not hit me until this year how painful it is to loose someone who barely lived.

During this time of grief, she has been a friend who has wept every single time that I have. She misses Mary Anna with me, and she talks about her every time I am around her. I think back on how insensitive I could have been to her and other people who have lost someone so dear, because now, unfortunately, I get the pain. I get the longing to want to keep their memory alive, talk about them, dream about what life would look like now, and yearn to be with them again one day. It’s like someone told me not long after we lost our baby girl that losing a child is like being “in a club that you never wanted to be a part of.” My friends parents wrote me a note about how they ache every time they hear of someone losing a child, because they always hoped that no one had to feel their pain. I agree.

Today, on December 12, 2013, I miss TJ with you my friend. I wish that I would have known him and loved him like you did. I am sorry. I miss my Mary Anna more, because you taught me how to keep her alive and never let her go. I will never forget your sweet brother, and thank you for never forgetting my baby girl. What a treasure from the Lord to have someone walk through this dark hour with me.

See I will create new heavens and a new earth. The former things will not be remembered, nor will they come to mind. But be glad and rejoice forever in what I will create, for I will create Jerusalem to be a delight and its people a joy. I will rejoice over Jerusalem and take delight in my people; the sound of weeping and of crying will be heard in it no more.
Isaiah 65:17-19