Nov 11

Day to Day

Since today is Monday, and I haven’t taken a deep breath in about 4 days now, I began to reflect while reading this morning on the past few days to try to figure out why I feel so overwhelmed. The past few days have looked a little like this:

  • Friday
    • work from 7:45-12 while sick
    • call the insurance companies for the millionth time and the hospital to then go a little nuts on the the poor lady who answered the phone because I am just over it all
    • spend the afternoon crying and angry
    • run some errands and get myself together
    • best friends come into town late so a little midnight chatting before bed
  • Saturday
    • brunch with friends and Auburn wins <insert joy>
    • a little shopping at half time
    • walk with my girl and a lot of crying together and talking about Mary Anna and how it just is so hard
    • spend time in the nursery with her and letting her love me and fill me with grace over and over again while the boys watch football
  • Sunday
    • wake up at 2 am to go take care of my friends toddler, so she can go the hospital to have her second baby
    • church very sleepy with mixed emotions about how I feel about the Lord right now
    • a precious prayer about life and death in our church as we rejoice the new birth of baby Ethan and love him, and we continue to mourn Mary Anna
    • friends leave and D and I cry a lot and Dan tells me he realized in church while the girls were singing that he will never hear our baby girl sing on earth 
    • visit baby Ethan and praise the Lord for life
    • church chili supper where I was trying to keep walking, but my girl who knows me well said, “Kari you’re being really busy are you o.k.?”, and I said, “It’s just so hard”
  • Today
    • wake up in sweats to break a fever from the rotten cold that I just can’t get rid of
    • lay in bed and soak up the Word in desperate need of Him
    • chat with mom and fill up my love cup
    • now off to face the reality of the day with a little work, errands, helping a friend with a paint decision, and a birthday dinner
You see… my life looks exactly like everyone elses does, yet so totally different at the same time. I realized today that life is “normal” now. We do pretty much everything that everyone around us is doing, but it is sprinkled with sadness and reminders of her everywhere we go. Yet, our days are filled with so much love and grace.
As I get ready to leave my house, I pray the same prayer I do every Monday:
Lord, I pray for strength to get through today. It’s your day. It’s your week. Your will be done. We miss Mary Anna and we still do not get it, but we trust in you ALONE.