Sep 25

Chose Life

It’s hard for me to write about things that make myself look good. I don’t write to pat myself on the back, but only to pat my girl on the back. She’s the real winner here, but I do have a story to share.
Dan and I rejected all testing to find out if our baby had any genetic issues. We were given the opportunity when some concerns happened early on in our pregnancy to show the doctors that there could be more going on. I remember researching and praying about what to do, and it became very clear to both of us that the right step for us was to reject all testing. We knew that no matter what healthy or not that we would love her with every fiber of our being. I’m so glad that we didn’t know.
After she was diagnosed with Trisomy 18 in the hospital, the doctors told us that because I was so healthy and took care of myself during our pregnancy, that it gave her more time alive. Her body initially appeared to be okay, because she was living off of me, but it was when her little body kicked in that it was clear that she was too sick to live. I will never forget the doctors looking at me and telling me this and saying, “You gave her life.” If I have never done anything right, then the one thing that I know that I have done right was giving my baby girl life.  This definitely gave us closure that we did all that we could do for her.
I know now that we had a chance early on to give her life, and we chose LIFE for our girl. Then when things kept happening that could have easily given us every reason to give up, we chose LIFE again. We chose to do everything that we could to make sure that she had the best start into this world that we could give her. The last few weeks of our pregnancy, Dan would shove protein down my throat like candy to ensure that she would gain as much weight as she could. It made her as strong as she could be on July 14th.
When things starting spiraling downward fast in the hospital, I can not count how many times my mom would look at me and say, “Kari, you gave her life.” Then when Dan would get down she would say, “Dan, you gave her life.” We did. We chose life. I pray if you ever come to something in your life that gives you the choice that you always chose life. For our Mary Anna, life meant 4 days, but those 4 days were worth it all.

  • Beth

    Always choose LIFE!!!! Not that we were on a similar journey with our pregnancies – but we denied all testing because to us, it didn’t matter either! Wonderful post!!! Love the blog – it is beautiful!!!