I surprised Dan with a birthday getaway to this quaint place in the mountains for a long weekend. It is dreamy, and it is exactly what we needed. We’ve been running in a million directions lately trying to renovate a house, start a business, raise two babies, oh and two pups, live with the rents out of suitcase, and the list goes on… Dan’s about to turn the big 3-0, and he’s been working basically 3 jobs, so our time together is so slim.
We spent our first morning here on a long walk in the woods on the property. We talked about life, laughed some and cried some, and we talked a lot about how big our God is. Sometimes it’s hard for the two of us: D, a workaholic and me, a control-freak of a mom; to really really check out and just be together. When we do this, we tend to grieve a lot and talk a lot about our Mary Anna.
Well, the owners of this farm that we are staying at recently experienced a deep sadness like we with live, and it hit us in a unique way today. The husband passed away suddenly at a young age, and the wife was left to raise their 5 children alone and run this business by herself. As we wandered through the edge of the trailhead, I spotted a white, quaint chapel tucked away on a hill. We were tired from our hike, and were debating if we wanted to take the short walk and see it, and we decided to do it. Unknowingly it was the gravesite of Sam, the owner who passed away.
Dan with tears in his eyes looked over this sweet little white picket fence, and he said to me:
Karebear, this dirt is fresh. He walked to the grace, and I walked into the chapel. We both wept. We both know the pain of burying someone far too young, and trying to limp your family through grief, while the world keeps spinning.
It’s caused the rest of our day here to be sweet and full of time together, but also full of memories of our girl. I heard a podcast this past week but a lady who lost her husband, and she made a point along the lines of this…
If we try to move on from the path that God has chosen for us, even if it includes death and sadness, then we aren’t fully living in the path that God chose for us.
As I am walking through loss with my friend, Katie, who lost her baby girl a month ago, I am looking at my own loss and grief so much more clearly. It’s only been 4 years, but the Lord has done a work in the those long, yet so short years. He has taught me that grief isn’t supposed to leave us. That like Lisa Appelo said on the podcast, that we should embrace this as a part of us. This embracing has truly made me a stronger and more caring person. Yes, it brings sadness on my getaways with my husband and bring me to my knees often, but isn’t that exactly where the Creator meets us the most with his humble love for us?
Y’all the Kingdom is waiting for us, and we can’t continue this life in utter blindness to sadness and hurt. IT’s the waves that make the calm sea more beautiful. The waves keep coming, but so doe the calm seas. Keep walking on water through the impossible.
And the only way to walk on water is like Jesus told Peter, to keep our eyes focused on Him.
When you come out of the storm, you won’t be the same person who walked in. That’s what the storm’s all about.
What makes a river so restful to people is that it doesn’t have any doubt- it is sure to get where it is going, and it doesn’t want to go anywhere else.
As I sit on this amazing little porch crying while writing, D is sitting next to me crying too writing some letters to our two babies here on earth. William and Mary Kathryn get the best of us thank to our dear Mary Anna.
It’s really messy…
But it’s really sweet.