Dec 08


I was sitting in the floor, and the kitchen was a mess. William was playing with his doctor kit, and Mary Kathryn was rearranging stickers in a basket. She would take them out one by one, and then she would put them back in one by one. William was giving me a “shot” and listening to my heart, and I asked him:

buddy do you want to be a doctor like daddy when you grow up?

W: I don’t

me: that’s ok, you can be whatever you want to be…. what do you want to be buddy?

W: I don’t want to grow up mommy, I just want to stay little and home with you.

me: sobbing

W: walks away onto the next thing….

I kept sitting there for a little bit longer. Frizzy hair, stretched out nubby old sweater, leggings, and my warm socks. I wasn’t super hungry, so I was eating leftover pepper jelly for dinner, and in walked Dan….

He couldn’t find me, and I waved around the sofa from the floor, and of course he asked if I was okay, and I said yes that I was just enjoying the moment. I found a new husband/wife duo that I liked, and their Christmas music was on in the back ground, and it was a sweet moment that I wanted to soak up.


It’s what’s getting us right now…. Our robbery happened, and it seems like we just keep getting hit…


asthma attacks

car breaking down

tight finances

workers everywhere

a lot of time apart


a new (ish) city

Christmas without our baby girl

It starts to get to you….

We love Paul David Tripp, and we heard a sermon a long time ago about discouragement, and how it is Satan’s greatest tool to get a follower of the King off track. I know it’s happening, but it’s hard to fight it.

I will raise up shepherds over them who will tend them. They will no longer be afraid or discouraged, nor will any be missing. This is the Lord’s declaration.
Jeremiah 23:4

Testerday someone stopped by to say hi, and she asked how we were, and I was doing the typical: oh we’re good lalala… thing that we all do. And then I was like well, this and that happened, and then I started crying. It hit me. The discouragement of the ways that Satan is trying to knock us off path right now. Satan is real, and he’s an ASS y’all. He knows where to get you, and he’ll keep doing it.

As I sat in the floor watching my littles waddle around, I was reminded that I just can’t let him win. I can’t. I have to keep preaching it to myself, because the other day when I walked almost 6 miles and my legs were numb, I wasn’t feeling super positive polly.

He grew up before him like a young plant
and like a root out of dry ground.
He didn’t have an impressive form
or majesty that we should look at him,
no appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of suffering who knew what sickness was.
He was like someone people turned away from;
he was despised, and we didn’t value him.
Isaiah 53:2-3

I read this is my Advent devotional today right after I drug both of my kids in the rain to the clinic, where we have TONS of work to do, and I pulled in and literally hit our other car {that is literally dying and we can’t afford to fix it right now} with our only car that works. Yes. I hit it.  I didn’t turn wide enough. Dan came out. I looked at him, and I burst into tears, and said: we just can’t catch a break d. So now that car is in the shop, because it sounds like the wheel is going to fall off.

We are so close to opening this business that we feel very called to do, but we have no income, because that’s what it takes to start a business, and we feel attacked. Alone. Discouraged.

Yet, Jesus came down to earth and was despised and rejected, and he took all of this on himself, so that we could know what true love is. True love that died for us. True love that teaches us how to Keep Walking, even when it keeps hitting you where it hurts. True love that reminds you to sit on the ground and cry, because some kids don’t live long and some will grow up and leave, but you just snuggle them while you can…

Keep Walking.