Feb 05


It started Wednesday afternoon with two cappuccinos and some cookies. I got home from counseling holding two much-needed headache relievers, and I handed one to D, opened the cookies, and we began talking. I was telling him about my session, and we began to cry and vent and laugh. It was good for the soul.

I recently started counseling for the first time ever in my life. It has been good for me to process not just Mary Anna, but honestly ever major event that has happened to me. I usually come home with a headache, because I cry a lot, but I am thankful by the push of some good people in my life that I started going.

All of this to say, as we were starting to hear our little Buddy make his cute noises in the other room as he was waking up from his nap, Dan told me that he loved me. Sometimes that’s all you need. We had a fun afternoon, just the three of us which seems to rarely happen due to long work days from daddy bear.

Dinner out. Groceries. Ice Cream.
Check! Check! Check!


Then yesterday, I just flat had a hard day. I was crying a lot and laying in the fetal position most of nap time, and when I got William up from his nap I said these words to him:

You make me miss your sister more and more,
and your sister makes me love you more and more.

As I was laying in bed telling Dan that my head was hurting last night, he leaned over and told me that he loved me and told me something else that was fascinating:

hey karebear,
I am glad that our life hasn’t been easy.
It makes me love you, Mary Anna, William, and baby girl even more.

So today, as the sun is shining through the windows, and I actually am sitting here in blue jeans and have on mascara. Little miracles people. I realize that Mary Anna taught me to love William in a way that I never could have if it weren’t for her life and death.


My buddy makes my head spin most days. He’s all boy and loves to live life on the edge. His personality is big just like his body! I need a part-time job just to keep up with how much he eats, and yet he loves so hard and so deep. He sits by the window in the mornings and evenings waiting on daddy, because even though he’s a momma’s boy, he is also a daddy’s boy. He is ALL boy. He is my buddy.

And for all of these things. I am thankful that my life hasn’t been easy. On the days when I feel like I might lose my mind, I realize what a gift that my William is to me. The Lord has entrusted me to be his momma, and that is such a tender thing.


Thank you buddy for helping us to Keep Walking.

  • Beth Parmer

    You guys continue to be in my prayers! William is getting so big!!