Oct 07

A day in the life….

Last night as we were eating our fancy dinner that I prepared of Mellow Mushroom pizza, D and I were discussing parenthood, and how the expectations and desires are so different for all parents. I on one hand am of those who dreamed of being a mommy with precious children running around in smocked clothes, lunches out with friends, a mini van, a walking buddy, etc. since I could remember. Same for Dan, he has dreamed of being a dad as long as he can remember. He always tells me that he could tell what kind of mom that I was going to be when we were dating at age 16.

With these dreams come expectations, and although they can be good, they can also be crippling.

Today has gone as follows:

  • William awake at 4 a.m., & I shush him back to sleep
  • Up at 5:30 a.m. & ready to eat and play
  • Outfit change for both mom and baby
  • Downstairs to visit with daddy before he leaves for his 12 hour day
  • Outfit change for both mom and baby
  • Baby naps, mom should be doing a devotional or something good like that, but mom naps too
  • Baby wakes, mom has a throbbing headache
  • Eat again, and throw-up all over mommy, soooo…. Outfit change again for both
  • Mentally drained by 10:45 a.m., so off we go for a walk to get outside
  • Coffee stop mid walk, can’t get out of the stupid coffee shop with the stroller, no one willing to help, coffee ALL over stroller, and baby *not sure if  I was more irritated that I lost half of my coffee or that it was a free coffee that I had earned by dutifully filling up my punch card and I couldn’t enjoy it
  • Crying all the way back to car… mom crying that is
  • Outfit change again due to sticky coffee & clean stroller
  • Eat again, nap time (which was a struggle), lunch time for mom
  • All by 1:00 & still nothing is marked off the to-do list

Needless to say, motherhood is WONDERFUL, but it is not the glamorous job that the 18-year-old version of myself pictured. I am thankful to be at home with my boy all day everyday, but it does not make it easy.

As I cried finishing my walk, I felt very lonely and sad. I missed my baby girl, my husband who is working a lot these days, and I wanted my expectations of being a mom to be a reality and they just aren’t all of the time. I figured that I should turn off my cheesy playlist that I have not updated since college that is supposed to have good “beats” to motivate me while working out and turn on my “Christian music” playlist. I did this to get out of my rut and to turn my thoughts to what is the purpose of all of this and that is eternity. This song came on:

It’s like my Bible study leader has said to us moms lately, “What you are doing day-to-day with your children matters to eternity… this is your job… this is right where you should be… loving on these babies and raising them up is for an eternal purpose.”

So to all of you struggling with unmet expectations, I get it. Dan and I expected life to be easier, and even though we have so much to be thankful for, our life has been pretty hard. Just like the song says: even when the rain falls, even when the flood starts rising, cause even when the storm comes , I am washed by the water.

The to do list can wait, daddy will finish school eventually, babies will cry, mommy will survive the long days, we will see big sister again, and we will all get through this together.

Keep Walking. And for your pleasure, here’s my mom fail of the day:

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and then my sweet boy responded this way at my fail:

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  • Beth Parmer

    He’s smiling because he loves you!!! Hang in there…..

  • Pam Fitzgerald

    I really enjoy your blog Kari! These are the joys of motherhood. I would love to tell you that things get better, BUT after 32 years of motherhood, it just keeps getting interesting. You just take the hand of Jesus and do it one minute at a time.