Apr 15

Carry it.

I decided to dedicate myself this year to doing a lenten study. I have never done this before, but I read through the entire book of Isaiah. It was life-changing. A few times I had to sit down and catch up on a few days, but all in all, I did pretty well with this commitment. I had to have a commentary next to me the whole time, or else it would get pretty confusing, but the message of Christ and His heritage and the foretelling of His coming kept bringing me to my knees.

This message kept resonating in my heart…

I am so eager to accept Jesus’ death for me. I know the story. I believe it. I base my entire life on it, yet what am I willing to sacrifice for him.

As I sat in our Good Friday service yesterday, and our pastor was telling a story about his baby girl, and he reminded us of Jesus’ anguish, when He was begging the Father to spare His life….

Take this for a second, Jesus is God, and He could spare His own life, but he did not.

God is God, and He could have spared His only Son’s life, but he did not.

About three in the afternoon Jesus cried out with a loud voice, “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” that is, “My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?”
Matthew 27:46

I remember holding my daughter in my arms right as she was taking her lasts breaths and begging the Lord to save her. He did not.

And as I read through Isaiah, and sat in church yesterday holding my other baby girl, I kept weeping.

Why am I so reluctant to trust the God who gave His only Son? It’s because He also took my baby girl. BUT if I can accept the salvation that comes through Jesus’ death, then that same power is how I trust even without my girl.

We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair’ persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies.
2 Corinthians 4:8-10

This is the truth. We can NOT accept Jesus’ life without his death.

We can’t.

I trust this promise holds true in every aspect of our lives.

For me, carrying around my Mary Anna’s death has been a hardship that I never could have dreamt of, but it has brought me to Jesus. I will always carry her death, but carrying it has brought me life.

And as so many people, want me to move on… be strong… or whatever …

I have realized more this Easter that the gospel calls us never to let go of the death of Christ. We can’t have the resurrection without the death of God’s only Son.

Not everyone carries around the same death that I do, but we all carry some death around with us. The western world runs from death, but Jesus call us to run straight to Him, which means carrying His death.


Enjoy this Easter friends. I have some sweet lace that my babies will be wearing, and as we look pretty on the outside, our hearts will carry around our Mary Anna. Her death has brought us life.

Keep Walking