Jun 30


Birthdays are a theme in the summer time around here. Mary Kathryn is in June, Mary Anna and William are in July, and we will probably have an August birthday on our hands soon too. As William anticipates his birthday this year at almost 4 years old, we have talked and planned and counted down and been so excited for his big day. He knows that his birthday is after his two sisters, so he was excited for MK’s day to come and go, and now he’s been asking non- stop, “so after Mary Anna’s birthday is mine right?”.

I usually write them letters on here on their birthdays, and this year I didn’t get around to writing MK her own. We all got sick for a few weeks, and it seems like trying to recoup has been the theme of our month of June. Also, frankly I haven’t known what I wanted to say to her, and now I anticipate MAC’s and W’s bdays, and it finally came to me.

You see, I am pretty hard on myself. I do a lot, and I do a lot for others, and so when we lost MAC, I think this pressure to be “strong” was overwhelming. The pressure just wasn’t from me it was coming from people all around me. The world tells you constantly to pick back up and to keep on going.


As we await Mary Anna’s 5th birthday, Mary Kathryn just turned two, William is almost four, and we have a baby on the way, it has hit me that the message that I want to instill in my kids is quite opposite. Strong is not always the answer.


I want my babies to be brave. You see I think if we trust in Christ in reality if we think that we can be strong then we have it all wrong. HE really wants us to be weak, so that we can find strength in Him alone, but even then we take that to mean if we have Him, than we are strong. And yes, we are, don’t get me wrong, but our strength never lies within ourselves. To be brave is to have the courage to be weak, so that He can become our strength.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
1 Corinthians 12:9

Williamn and Mary Kathryn,

Happy birthday to my two little loves. You both have such unique personalities, and I love being your mommy. You and your sister and your baby brother on the way are my greatest earthy treasures. I can’t believe how fast you both are growing and how much you both change me daily.

William- Keep that mind thinking buddy. You think like your daddy, and it is something that I don’t quite get, but you will do big things with that mind of yours. We thank God every night for things, and you always thank God for all of us, and list us all by name. You love having all your people close by, so never let that go. Cling to those who love you, and use that brain of yours to love others well, because you sure love us richly for a little guy.

Sissy Sue- Stay sassy girl. Keep it up! I am sassy, and I love that about you. I pray every night that you use your extreme emotions for the Kingdom, and that you point people to Jesus. I pray that God prepares a man who will love you and not take your personality away just like your daddy loves me. He’s never tried to make me someone different than I am, and sweet girl that’s rare. Keep looking until you find a man like your daddy.

BE BRAVE my two with me right now. Don’t let the world tell you that strength is the answer, because it isn’t. We can only have the courage to face today if we learn that sometimes to be strong is to be weak. I am so thankful for how you both love and are eager to learn about your big sister in heaven, because she’s the one who taught us all how to be brave. Her braveness in her short life has kept our eyes always fixed on the Kingdom, and I pray both of your eyes stayed fixed there too.

Now, let’s continue to eat cake, and celebrate, because your lives are both big and worthy of celebration! And you know that your mommy loves a good cake.

Here’s to 2 and 4!

with my whole heart always,
your mommy

Keep Walking my friends. 

Keep Walking with brave hearts and eyes fixed only on the King.

May 18

Sweet Summertime

The summer brings all of my favorite things such as: the water, ice cream, watermelon, sundresses, the beach (even though I go year round), sprinklers in the yard, and all the other beautiful things that we get to soak up on the long, hot days in the south. Almost five years ago, summer brought me the taste of being a momma to my first baby girl. It was the culmination of everything good here on earth.

Now as the days get longer and the temps get higher, I find my heart in a tug. I begin to dread July for another cake to purchase without our Mary Anna, yet I long to release balloons with my kiddies to remind them that we Keep Walking, and we keep loving no matter what life throws our way. I dread Mother’s Day, and spend a lot of time missing my first girl. I want to plan birthday parties for my other two summer babies, yet the juggle is hard, because it’s always a reminder of the one party that I don’t get to plan in the same way.

Summer is sweet. It really is.

We were singing “In Christ Alone” at church recently, and I mean if you are anywhere near a church you’ve heard this song, and even if you aren’t, you probably still have. It’s kinda like the modern-day “Amazing Grace”, and both are quality songs, but at times we can sing in monotony. Sometimes when I catch myself doing just that, I stop signing and just read the words and close my eyes and pray over what they really mean. So I did that a few weeks ago…

no guilt in life, no fear in death
this is the pow’r of Christ in me.


That’s been my problem for five years now, I have guilt in life and fear in death. Christ power removes that, yet I have held it with an iron fist. I have the RIGHT to fear death. It’s easy not to when you haven’t held your two-pound baby while they’re breathing and watch their heart stop in your arms to say that. I have the RIGHT to have guilt in life. How do I not? How do I really not fear death and not feel guilty for the lives before me?

Well truly I don’t have those rights. The song says it, only the power of Christ within me can do such a thing. Yet, the tears will and still do come. The sad days will be there. The gut wrenching feeling in my soul when we cut another cake without our precious angel doesn’t go away, yet in the struggle lately, Christ has continued to point my heart to the little lives in front of me, and help me enjoy and soak them up without guilt or fear and celebrate my Mary Anna without guilt or fear.

And as usual, we’re expecting another little life again in the summer time… It’s quite comical at times. I greatly respect that a little life is hard on a lot of mommas heart, who having a baby hasn’t been easy for them. I really do get it being raised as an adopted daughter with parents who couldn’t “naturally” have children. Yet, as I approached Mother’s Day this year, I told Dan it was so hard to joyfully accept another life at the same time when I’m missing Mary Anna.

I can’t wait to snuggle this new life. William and Mary Kathryn are thrilled for their new little baby who’s coming. So again. No guilt in life. No fear in death.

ONLY through Christ’s power within me.

The summer… it’s just been a roller coaster for us for a while now…

So here’s to popsicles and sprinklers and birthday cakes and new lives. Here’s to accepting that we can truly have no guilt in life and no fear in death thanks be to our King of Kings.

Keep Walking.

As we said our prayers the other night William asked me how Jesus get into his heart, and I told him that you just have to ask Him, and that HE never stops chasing His children.

W: So Jesus and Mary Anna both live in my heart?

I teared up and said: Yes buddy we carry them both with us everywhere, so we never have to be afraid.”

W: So Mary Anna and Jesus help us fight the bad guys?

Me: That’s right. They do all the fighting for us.

Keep Walking.

Apr 01

Real Again

The concept of being resurrected is hard for an almost 4-year-old. I think William gets stuck around the point of “why would you kill someone who is good?” We’ve been re-telling the Easter story to him a lot, and he’s slowly comprehending different parts.

This morning we woke up to Easter baskets will little happies for the kids. We don’t do the Easter bunny, but we just give gifts on a day like today, because Jesus gave us the ultimate gift of eternal life with Him! After we looked through the baskets with sleepy eyes, I grabbed William and asked him “Do you know why we celebrate today? We celebrate because although Jesus died for us, He rose again to save us.” And he responded and said it again:

And God will make Jesus real again.

This started in the middle of the week when I heard William’s door creak. Dan walked out and tears were in his eyes. He said he needed to tell me something, and begin to tell me a story…

Every night we read books and pray with William, and usually we go in his room each one at a time to tell him good night and sing a song and say our prayers. Dan had finished his turn, and he told me how they were talking about heaven, and William said this:

When you go to heaven, God will make you REAL again.

Dan: what did you say?

God will make you REAL again.

Dan: Buddy who told you that?

Mary Anna did.

Dan: What? Mary Anna is in heaven buddy.

I know and she told me that when you get to heaven, God will make you real again.

I was a little shocked at this conversation, so I went in and asked buddy about what he had just told daddy. He said:

Mommy, maybe when I take a rocket ship to heaven God will make me REAL again.

Me: Buddy who said that heaven makes you real again?

Mary Anna told me.

He’s recounted this story over and over again. I’m not sure if he heard this from us or church or school or maybe a dream or what, but the way his little mind connects these dots just amazes me. So in true fashion…

Jesus said: “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”
Matthew 19:14

I learn the most from my children about the death and resurrection of the King of Kings. We celebrate today, Easter Sunday, because Jesus died so that one day we will be REAL again. It’s a promise. Amen.

Keep Walking.

I remember the scars and bruises on Mary Anna’s hands right before she went to be with Jesus. It’s told in the Bible that Jesus’ hands are nail scarred. I can’t help but think that even though Mary Anna has been made REAL again that these scars are still there. They’re not painful anymore, but they’re her story, and the reminder that she was made REAL by the creator of the universe.

Keep Walking. Happy Easter friends!

for more detailed reading:
Mark 15- the account of Jesus’ death

Luke 24:1-49- the account of Jesus’ resurrection
taken from the She Reads Truth readings for Lent

Mar 27

Prolonged Grief

A friend sent me this article recently, and I am not a huge reader, but really take a minute and read it:


The phrase in there “prolonged grieving” is one that I have been chewing over a lot lately. I think because at times I feel a tinge of guilt about the fact that grief wasn’t just a few days or months for me, but that i’m nearing my baby girl’s 5th birthday, and at times the grief feels just as fresh. The world and the people in it at times make me feel crazy or ungrateful or sad, and although I am all of those things {as we all are whether we want to admit it or not}, it’s okay that grief still strikes.

In a culture that prizes strength and grows uncomfortable with prolonged grieving, many of us respond to our own tears with a hasty wipe of the sleeve and a quick “Get over it.”

The last few weeks I have witnessed a dear friend have a miscarriage, watched my mom have a major surgery, celebrated my birthday, learned of a family in town who lost a baby with a similar story to ours, and all the while I have been trying to prepare my heart for Easter.

I am just Tired.

I just want to keep re-reading this article, because I do agree through my own grief that the world does make you seem weak if you can’t “get over it”, and people there are things that we experience in life that we just don’t “get over”.

A dear friend texted me the morning of Mary Anna’s first birthday with these words:

His mercies are new every morning… even today

When days or weeks like this hit, I say that to myself… even today. It’s so easy to get lost in the hard things of life that we neglect his mercy.

I told my friend the morning of her miscarriage to listen to this song:

That theme keeps popping up. So, as I prepare my heart and my kids for Jesus’ dark and gloomy death, and then the glorious resurrection, I see his mercy more clearly. It doesn’t negate the dark times and the fear and the tears that even Jesus {yes God himself} experienced, but it does mean that his mercy is new every morning… even today.

Whatever your today may be, I hope that you feel his mercy, and I hope that you feel the freedom to walk through whatever it is and not feel ashamed of your tears.

You do not want a sacrifice, or I would give it;
you are not pleased with a burnt offering.
The sacrifice pleasing to God is a broken spirit.
You will not despise a broken and a humble heart, God.
Psalm 51:16-17

Keep Walking.

Feb 21

Keep Walking

I go through these breaks from writing from time to time, because sometimes I am just at a loss for words and other times life feels too crazy to allow myself the time to sit down and write. There’s been this burden on my heart to decide why I write still. Do I want people to feel sorry for me? Do I need to feel like someones still listening to my sadness? Why??

And then through some gloomy weeks of the ups and downs of life, today it hit me. The strength to Keep Walking after the deepest loss that I have ever faced was one that did not come naturally. It was a choice by Dan and I.

A choice for our marriage, our future kids, our family, our friends, our community.

A choice to Keep Walking.

As I was listing off to a friend today all the things that felt hard in my life lately, she told me how my story of loss encouraged her in ways that I never knew, and in that little text it reminded me that our stories are to be written and told.

I started a Lent study by a company called She Reads Truth, and their studies are great, but sometimes they’re long. I try to get them from time to time, because I am more diligent in my readings when they’re set out in front of me. I wish I was a 5 am kinda gal in the word on my knees, but I’m not. The thing that wakes me up every morning is my 3.5 year old, who crawls in my bed to tell me that his “light has turned green and he woke up!”. My days start foggy brained and in need of coffee, and maybe one day I’ll be a good early morning reader, but let’s be real… probably not.

Needless to say, this journey of reading Exodus has been so refreshing. The story goes this way… Moses is trying to convince Pharaoh (the King) to let the Israelites (God’s people) go to the Promise Land. Pharaoh is stubborn, and the past few days have been the saga of plagues and I keep thinking to myself: Come on dude… let the people go and move on. Yet, Pharoah just refuses to acknowledge God until the depths of death come upon the Egyptians (his people). Finally he let’s Moses and God’s people go, and God tells them to tell their children and to write down how God was faithful.

That’s my goal here. To not recount that everyday is pretty or full of butterflies, but to recount how even in the depths of hardships, He is faithful. He remained faithful to the Israelites, and by God’s grace, He died to remain faithful to His people today. And even when our hearts are just as stubborn as Pharoah’s, that Jesus continues to fight for us.

So I stood in church Sunday with tears in my eyes as some around the room sang these words:

O may Thy soldiers, faithful true and bold
Fight as the saints who nobly fought of old
And win with them the victors crown of gold
Alleluia, allelu

But lo! There breaks a yet more glorious day
The saints triumphant rise in bright array
The King of glory passes on His way
Alleluia, allelu
-For All the Saints

And I remember like He told his people thousands of years ago that He still whispers the same thing to me: for the Lord brought you out of here by the strength of his hand. -Ex 13:3

Sometimes we don’t feel immediate relief from our pain just because we accept that Jesus is King. It can take years or even a life time, but the truth remains that He will return. His return will be grand, and I mean I wish we were friends, but like my friend Sandra McCracken says on her new song: But if it’s not okay, then it is not the end.

So friends, if it’s not okay, then remember… it’s not the end. Our stories are still being written. It’s this strength that reminds me to Keep Walking. To Keep Walking in joy and in sorrow.

Jan 03


So we like to have impromptu dance parties around here. William (3.5 years) currently does this move that looks almost like a football drill or something, and Mary Kathryn (19 months) marches her chubby legs up and down so fast and likes to put her hand on her knees and do this little squat thing. It’s all just too cute.

It’s still just unbearably cold here, and we have been inside a lot, so after dinner I had some music playing, and I was trying to get the pre-bed jitters out, so we started a dance party. William asked for the “oh my my, oh hey hey song”, which is a fun song that we like called Big Parade by the Lumineers. He said: Momma, turn it up real loud!” So I did.

The three of us began to dance. We held hands and danced in a circle, and I taught them how to twirl. Mary Kathryn in her cute little non-talking voice would say WOW WOW WOW!, and William couldn’t get enough of it, and from time to time he’d sing the right words on the song.

We all got dizzy and ended up all falling on the groud, and I hugged them both tight, and I took a mental recording of those moments. I almost grabbed my phone to document it, but something about holding their hands and spinning around, I just knew that I would never forget it. As I was squeezing them, and the music was still pretty loud, William said: I just love y’all. He said it completely on his own.


As we continued to dance and twirl for a bit longer and then slowly start playing the airplane game where you  lay on the ground and hold them up with your feet, I began to look into both of their eyes and it just hit me. I love them both so much that it hurts, but the true revelation was this:

William taught me that I could love again.


Mary Kathryn taught me that I could be happy again.

After loss, I wasn’t sure that I could truly ever love again without fear, but on July 25, 2014 when William Daniel was born, I knew that  it wasn’t true. I loved again deep and real and hard, but the years following were still tough. Then on June 3, 2016, when I looked into those blue eyes, Mary Kathryn unlocked some joy in my heart that I hadn’t felt in a long time.

There’s redemption.

So I’ll tuck tonight away as one of the sweetest nights, and we’ll have more dance parties, and those two little blonde-hair, blue-eyed babies will never fully grasp how they help me get stronger every day.

They’re truly my loves and my joy.

Keep Walking.

Jan 01

New Years

Happy New Years!

I know everyone says this, but I truly can’t believe that it’s 2018. It feels like yesterday that we were worried that Y2K was going to shut down the world, and that was 18 years ago. 18. What the mess.

We don’t make a huge to do out of New Years around here, but we did manage to have some of those blow horns {why my mom got them when we have a 3-year-old… yeah… about that…}, some lovely plastic necklaces, oh and I made some chocolate pudding with whip cream. Dan was working ER, so I was alone with the kids all day and night, and needless to say we didn’t even consider making it to midnight! Well I guess D did, but he was in surgery ringing in the new year.

It’s oddly cold here in Alabama, and yesterday morning I took the kids to church alone. It was drizzling rain, and it was around 20 something degrees, and I was lonely and a little bored as I drove. I was playing some worship music from Spotify, and as I was thinking and driving, I happened to look up to see the funeral home that took care of Mary Anna’s body.

I burst into tears remembering those early days after losing her. Calling funeral homes. Debating cremation. Having her tiny body transferred to Auburn from Birmingham. All the haunting details.

I’ll never forget the owner of the funeral home not charging us a penny. He literally did it all for free. It is a gift that we could never repay, and he’ll never understand how that kindness will always affect us.

I’ll never forget walking in there in my late 20s, and thinking HOW THE HELL AM I IN A FUNERAL HOME SIGNING PAPERS FOR MY BABY.

We’ve been visiting a new church and driving that way to church for as long as we’ve been back in Auburn, but somehow I just noticed it yesterday. As I cried driving by, the rain was coming down, and the kids were hauntingly quiet in the back seat, and this song came on:

I cried a little harder.

I wasn’t there when the world was created, and I wasn’t there when he created Mary Anna’s body and chose the number of her days. Some days I think that I was, because I carried her and birthed her and she was mine, but I forget in reality that she’s not mine. She is HIS.

Although I had no right to ask, my God knelt and answered me.

I spent the rest of the day tearing up off and on, but my two babies are just used to seeing momma cry. And that’s o.k.

D walked in tired with bloodshot eyes this morning, and without me telling him about my day, he said to me: “New Years is just hard… I miss Mary Anna… It’s another year without her.”

We all carry around burdens that are too much to bear on our own. This year, I want to be more generous to myself with my grief and help others do the same. I posted this on my instagram yesterday morning, and this is my theme for 2018:


Keep Walking.

Dec 24

The Unwanted Child

I think it’s easy to think of the Christmas story as a warm and fuzzy one. A story of a mother and a father birthing their treasured baby in a manger.

Rewind a bit for a second, Mary and Joseph weren’t married, and they were scared. Mary was so confused at how she was even pregnant due to the fact that she was a virgin, and Joseph felt betrayed and wanted to end their relationship. Truly as we look at it, Jesus came into the word rejected even by his own parents. They didn’t want him or the mess at first, but they were faithful.

This reality has caused me to think a lot this holiday season about our culture. Now this is a controversial topic, but stick with me here. I live in Alabama, and the senate race made huge headlines here. I remember talking to my husband the night before about how I was so confused, because we were debating one candidate who was pro- abortion at some level, and one that had a bad record with women.

The thing that got me the most was how numb we were to these terms. I stood in the shower the morning of the election, and I was crying asking him how did we even get to the place that our children will hear words like: abortion, assault, rape, unwanted pregnancy, and think that these are just common terms.

they. are. not.

It baffles me, but it is horrifying to me that it is even allowed to murder an unborn child. Wanted or Not.

Jesus wasn’t wanted y’all.

I wasn’t wanted.

I can say this, because I am adopted from a teen mom, who did not want me. It was a noble thing that she did by choosing life for me, and I will forever be grateful to her for carrying me and being willing to give me to parents who were in a position to take care of me, but I could have been aborted.

Take it a step further now, I had a baby who was not wanted by the world. Her name was Mary Anna, and she was not healthy, and the doctors offered me to end her life and “press the reset button”, but I chose life for her. And I will never regret that choice.

There were people of faith who questioned my choice to Keep Walking with an unknown pregnancy, but thankfully the Lord captured my heart and gave Dan and I the strength to do the right thing.

It has always been a heavy issue on my heart, and ever since I had Mary Anna, it burns within me deeper. Even if a pregnancy is unwanted, there is always a choice. We are gifted these tiny bundles whether they are cells or full-term babies to take care of, and they are still lives y’all.

And if you have had an abortion, I do not judge you. There is mercy at the cross. We all carry shame, and Jesus’ love is bigger than our shame. It is. I promise.

and be thyself our King of Peace

I pray that we make a change in our country, and in our world. That we don’t look at life as if it is convenient or lacks baggage, but that we look at it as life.

Thank you to my birth mother for choosing life for me. Merry Christmas.

Thank you to my parents for adopting me as your own, and teaching me to choose life for my baby girl. I love you both dearly. Merry Christmas.

Thank you Dan for never wavering in your faith and choosing life with me for our baby girl. Merry Christmas.

Thank you Mary Anna for giving me the strength to speak out for those unwanted babies. You are my angel. Merry Christmas in heaven.

Let’s Keep Walking together. Merry Christmas!

The Christmas story:

In the sixth month, the angel Gabriel was sent by God to a town in Galilee called Nazareth, to a virgin engaged to a man named Joseph, of the house of David. The virgin’s name was Mary. And the angel came to her and said, “Greetings, favored woman! The Lord is with you. But she was deeply troubled by this statement, wondering what kind of greeting this could be. Then the angel told her: “Do not be afraid, Mary, for you have found favor with God. Now listen: You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you will name him Jesus. He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High, and the Lord God will give him the throne of his father David. He will reign over the house of Jacob forever, and his kingdom will have no end.”

Mary asked the angel, “How can this be, since I have not had sexual relations with a man?”

The angel replied to her: “The Holy Spirit will come upon you, and the power of the Most High will overshadow you. Therefore, the holy one to be born will be called the Son of God. And consider your relative Elizabeth- even she has conceived a son in her old age, and this is the sixth month for her who was called child’s. For nothing will be impossible with God.”

“I am the Lord’s servant,” said Mary. “May it be done to me according to your word.” Then the angel left her.

Luke 1:26-38

The birth of Jesus Christ came about this way: After his mother Mary had been engaged to Joseph, it was discovered before they came together that she was pregnant from the Holy Spirit. So her husband, Joseph, being a righteous man, and not wanting to disgrace her publicly, decided to divorce her secretly.

But after he had considered these things, an angel of the Lord appeared to him in a dream, saying, “Joseph, son of David, don’t be afraid to take Mary as your wife, because what has been conceived in her is from the Holy Spirit. She will give birth to a son, and you are to name him Jesus, because he will save his people from their sins.”

Now all of this took place to fulfill what was spoken by the Lord through the prophet:

See the virgin will become pregnant and give birth to a son, and they will name him Immanuel, which is translated “God is with us.”

When Joseph woke up, he did as the Lord’s angel had commanded him. He married her but did not have sexual relations with her until she gave bright to a son. And he named him Jesus.

Matthew 1:18-23

passages chosen from She Reads Truth- advent study

Be Brave this Christmas. Even when it’s messy.

Keep Walking.

Dec 15


I’ve thought a lot lately about how I want my kids to remember their childhoods. Dan and I were raised very differently, and we spend a lot of time talking and praying about how we want to raise our miniature people. The thing is that our life is literally chaos right now. Like a friend said to me recently: Kari it’s okay to admit that your life is just crazier than most right now, because it just is. I am a giver, so it’s hard for me to slow down and take very often. I am also super type A in a super chill kinda way. Sounds weird, but its the truth.

So with this season of super close in age toddlers, a new business that we feel so overwhelmed with most days, a blog that I feel called to write more on, two websites, t-shirts, dogs, a power bill, dinners, and the list goes on…. I have realized that my fuse has been short, and although I swore I would never yell, well sometimes I just do.

Like the other night when I was going on 48 hours of single parenthood, and William didn’t nap, and the shower curtain fell on my head about the same time that William pee’d on the floor. You bet. I yelled. Sure did.

But then I curled in bed with buddy, and I told him exactly what was going on. I told him that I missed daddy, that I was tired, and that it was hard to open daddy’s new office. As I held his sweet little hand, I apologized, and told him that I didn’t always make the best choices either, and that’s how I was able to forgive him when he wasn’t kind too.

He told me: It’s okay mommy, I love you, and I miss daddy too.

So today it happened again. I was up late baking for some extra money for some Christmas orders that I received, and Dan’s super stressed trying to get the final things done with the clinic. I somehow managed to bake 13 mini pumpkin loaves, dress both kids and myself, and pack lunches and head up to the clinic to deliver sandwiches to daddy. We got there, and it was a bit crazy, so our visit was pretty short.

I was driving home with more butter and cream cheese to bake some more, and my head was hurting, and I just was feeling spread thin. This song came on:

I’ve had this on repeat lately, because this song y’all. I mean it’s the gospel. And I heard some noises from the back of the car, and little William was singing along. He only knew a few words here and there, but to hear his little voice singing “EMMANUEL”. WOW! A few tears began to creep down my cheek, and it hit me.

I want them to remember their mommy and daddy as real and raw. I want them to see us mess up, and I want them to see us asking them for forgiveness. I hope that our house is one of grace and willingness to meet each other wherever we need to. In a world full of filters and botox and murder and hate,  I hope that under this roof they feel no reason to be anyone, but who God made them to be.

Behold, behold the One our Love has come.

Behold, behold the One our King has come.


I hope that they feel the freedom to know that the King who came doesn’t expect us to carry all of this on our own, and that we leave a legacy of love and laughter and mess and hugs.

This pressure to be everything for our friends or kids or spouses is just unattainable, and I am the worst at this.

So cheers to more grace and recognition that our King has come.

Keep Walking.

Defeated death, He broke the grave

Our hope returned, the lost are saved

We lift our voice in never ending praise.

Dec 08


I was sitting in the floor, and the kitchen was a mess. William was playing with his doctor kit, and Mary Kathryn was rearranging stickers in a basket. She would take them out one by one, and then she would put them back in one by one. William was giving me a “shot” and listening to my heart, and I asked him:

buddy do you want to be a doctor like daddy when you grow up?

W: I don’t

me: that’s ok, you can be whatever you want to be…. what do you want to be buddy?

W: I don’t want to grow up mommy, I just want to stay little and home with you.

me: sobbing

W: walks away onto the next thing….

I kept sitting there for a little bit longer. Frizzy hair, stretched out nubby old sweater, leggings, and my warm socks. I wasn’t super hungry, so I was eating leftover pepper jelly for dinner, and in walked Dan….

He couldn’t find me, and I waved around the sofa from the floor, and of course he asked if I was okay, and I said yes that I was just enjoying the moment. I found a new husband/wife duo that I liked, and their Christmas music was on in the back ground, and it was a sweet moment that I wanted to soak up.


It’s what’s getting us right now…. Our robbery happened, and it seems like we just keep getting hit…


asthma attacks

car breaking down

tight finances

workers everywhere

a lot of time apart


a new (ish) city

Christmas without our baby girl

It starts to get to you….

We love Paul David Tripp, and we heard a sermon a long time ago about discouragement, and how it is Satan’s greatest tool to get a follower of the King off track. I know it’s happening, but it’s hard to fight it.

I will raise up shepherds over them who will tend them. They will no longer be afraid or discouraged, nor will any be missing. This is the Lord’s declaration.
Jeremiah 23:4

Testerday someone stopped by to say hi, and she asked how we were, and I was doing the typical: oh we’re good lalala… thing that we all do. And then I was like well, this and that happened, and then I started crying. It hit me. The discouragement of the ways that Satan is trying to knock us off path right now. Satan is real, and he’s an ASS y’all. He knows where to get you, and he’ll keep doing it.

As I sat in the floor watching my littles waddle around, I was reminded that I just can’t let him win. I can’t. I have to keep preaching it to myself, because the other day when I walked almost 6 miles and my legs were numb, I wasn’t feeling super positive polly.

He grew up before him like a young plant
and like a root out of dry ground.
He didn’t have an impressive form
or majesty that we should look at him,
no appearance that we should desire him.
He was despised and rejected by men,
a man of suffering who knew what sickness was.
He was like someone people turned away from;
he was despised, and we didn’t value him.
Isaiah 53:2-3

I read this is my Advent devotional today right after I drug both of my kids in the rain to the clinic, where we have TONS of work to do, and I pulled in and literally hit our other car {that is literally dying and we can’t afford to fix it right now} with our only car that works. Yes. I hit it.  I didn’t turn wide enough. Dan came out. I looked at him, and I burst into tears, and said: we just can’t catch a break d. So now that car is in the shop, because it sounds like the wheel is going to fall off.

We are so close to opening this business that we feel very called to do, but we have no income, because that’s what it takes to start a business, and we feel attacked. Alone. Discouraged.

Yet, Jesus came down to earth and was despised and rejected, and he took all of this on himself, so that we could know what true love is. True love that died for us. True love that teaches us how to Keep Walking, even when it keeps hitting you where it hurts. True love that reminds you to sit on the ground and cry, because some kids don’t live long and some will grow up and leave, but you just snuggle them while you can…

Keep Walking.